March

threads of patience have been worn away. They say you should never discuss politics or religion at a dinner party so bringing them up on a daily basis maybe asking for trouble. That and crackpot hypochondriac-fuelled medical theories have been my undoing. I think the problems began when pressed on strategy for the future of this project and its ability to be self sufficient (or more accurately its ability to stop being a financial black hole) we were met with a one line winning plan 'God will find a way'. Not the most thorough business plan I have ever heard but apparently as it's worked so far, if it ain't broke and all that jazz. Oh and apparently the Bible is a factual account of history; Easter's all about devil worship; as is Christmas; Europeans are all Catholics and love the Pope and the Jews have had a miserable time because of what they did to Jesus (a theory that suggests God takes a more 'do as I say and not as I do' stance with the 10 commandments). It's all in the 'good book' apparently but it's just some people know how to read it 'better' than others. We have challenged a couple of these points (I'll let you guess which ones) but were simply met with a 'you don't understand' chuckle - a chuckle that follows us wherever we go and ensures that I spend much of the day breathing heavily and counting to 10.

As I feel I am on a precipice of a very big can of angry worms let's lighten the mood with some of those cheery crackpot medical theories:

1. Eating watermelon that has been in the fridge will give you a bad cold.
2. Eating grape seeds will give you dysentery.
3. Stretching after eating will give you appendicitis.
4. Fruit should be avoided when you have a cold as it makes it worse.

If any of these are in fact true then I have had a more 'devil may care' attitude towards my health than previously thought.

Graham has decided, as an audible ticking sound can be heard coming from my direction whenever Sagar starts on about one of his many theories or plans, that maybe we need a weekend away. Our plan is to head up the coast a bit to Vishakhapatnam and find ourselves something alcoholic (that won't make us go blind) and a nice comfy spot to watch the cricket final. A wonderful idea instantly thwarted by Sagar inviting himself and his family along too. We are working on overturning that very ill advised decision but needless to say that announcement did nothing to bolster the spirits.

On a happy note we have pretty much booked the first part of our trip now, Kolkata, the Andaman's and Darjeeling with hopefully an IPL twenty twenty match in there somewhere. ETD? 3 1/2 weeks and counting. As noted the nearest chip selling establishment has been located in Kolkata, less than 3 minutes walk from the hotel. I would love to tell you that this did not factor in the decision making process but we all know the truth.

That's it. You have been saved from more ranting by the start of the cricket and already it is not looking too good for England. Oh if you are wondering what the heck is going on in the photo above (as we were) this was another one of those impromptu public speaking moments where we were then surprised with floral garlands (yes that is all flowers) so heavy I feared we may be garroted right there on stage in front of the children. I feel this photo captures the moment perfectly.

So much for keeping it short. I promise to be in better form next time. xx

We have started to plan our few weeks of travelling at the end of April which is very exciting and can't come too soon. Work here at Hebron is hard and very frustrating. It seems that detail here is not important and administrative infrastructure non-existent. Records are kept 'orally' and getting information is like some sort of crystal maze style task. My patience is in tatters (which is no break from the norm) and even Mr Super Easy Going Graham Banton is struggling. It is a great learning experience but whether I will return to the UK more laid back or with a more fiery temper remains to be seen - could make organising a wedding interesting! However the kids are brilliant and give us the incentive to keep going and to make sure we get this right because they are the sole reason we are doing this.

And about the kids. A couple of weekends ago we took them to the beach (photos in the gallery). Health and safety does not exist in India, in fact I would say that most Indian's flash their bottom in the face of health and safety most days. On this basis the kids were shipped to the beach in 3 open top lorries. Thankfully everyone got there and back in one piece and we had the most wonderful day. It seems the way to paddle here is just to get in fully clothed. Graham and I started off with a bit of good old fashioned roll up your trousers stuff but were soon dragged out to deeper parts where we were eventually submerged in the rather large waves. It was so much fun - easily our best day so far and the kids seemed to have a blast. I took a bit of the Bay of Bengal away with me that day, mostly the water I had swallowed in my stomach, however I will be happy to see it again on the Andaman Islands in April if not before.

I think we are up to date now. Thanks for your messages, keep posting them as it is always a treat for us to see someone has been on. Please also don't be offended if either Graham or I respond with a thoroughly unfunny quip, with only each other for adult banter we are both a bit off the boil.

Final notes -

Crossing the road in India is like playing chicken on the M40 when you are not sure which way the traffic is coming. That said it is better (and whole heartedly encouraged) to walk in the middle of the road rather than at the side as this doubles as the open air public toilets (for whatever is needed).

About 20 new chicks have hatched here which for me just screams 'tasty light snack' for any passing cobras and I think there are few and probably more now due to said chicks.

Graham and I are craving British food (or anything that is not rice) so torture each other with dishes or items we would most like to eat. Cheese and Pickle sandwiches, tuna mayo, tomato ketchup, mayo and chips are front runners. It is a daily fantasy of mine to, in the word's of Dale Winton, 'Go Wild in the aisles' of Waitrose - I would supermarket sweep the arse out of the deli section with such reckless, naked abandon that I might be arrested. God dammit my mouth is watering again!

Finding yourself in an impromptu public speaking role in front of a large group of entirely uninterested people is a daily hazard here. Thankfully extensive understanding of English is limited so they don't seem to mind the waffly drivel that both Graham and I spout. And on that very note...

Speak to you again soon. We are off to eat some more rice.xx