April

a cold towel over my shins. Even though I should be older and wiser at this point it seems I have still not learnt that the old 'slowly slowly catchy monkey' is the best tactic for tan building and have burnt myself to a crisp on day 2 of the holiday in the sun (Graham is also sat with a cold towel over his shoulders and a bright beacon of a nose that could land planes in a blizzard and he is even older so perhaps you never learn). One other thing the years haven't taught me - humility. After 4 days of delhi belly in Kolkata I am the slimmest I have been since I was 18 so gratuitous bikini shots to prove that age doesn't matter? You betcha. Try and make some of them look arty for total self indulgence? Why not.

finished 4 days after our arrival finally opened (a mere 12 weeks later). Of course, there was a mini ceremony, lots of clapping and photo taking so you can imagine how delighted Graham and I were to be the lucky ones to have the first sip of water from the new bore-well. In fact not just a sip but a whole glassful each, which when faced with an 18 hour train journey felt a bit like we were playing Russian roulette with our bowels. The kids were lined up to wave us off which turned into a weird royal family style handshaking final name testing frenzy and then we were off. The train was long but fine and I managed to limit the use of the toilet to 3 times over 18 hours which was a bonus. The only thing of note was that we were sharing our cabin with a man who was on his way home from the army for a months leave. He had come prepared for his 24 hour journey with absolutely nothing to do and so sat staring at us for much of the time. I was quickly relieved of all painful chat duties when it became clear that whenever I spoke 'he couldn't understand' what I was saying but had no issues when Graham then repeated it. After 5 attempts I admitted defeated, popped on the ipod and left Graham to fend for himself.

that the next few days were consumed with a healthy mixture of good old fashioned tourist sightseeing, an IPL 20/20 match and a fairly serious bout of Delhi belly. After 4 days we had witnessed Christopher Gayle carry his bat and score century against the Kolkata Knight Riders (off about 50 balls), we had laid about in the beautiful (litter free) gardens around the Victoria memorial and I had bought several pairs of enormous harem pants with crotches so low they hang at my ankles. Unfortunately we did not get to sample any local Bengali food as I could not eat however, my appetite is back now and we will make up for it when we return next week.

That's right folks today is 'd' day for the gramy train. A witching hour departure and a mere 18 hour train journey before we arrive in the hot (40*C) and smelly streets of Kolkata. We can't wait. First stop McDonalds for a McMaharajah burger and chips (we went online over 6 weeks ago to check the menu), second stop the Fairlawn hotel for a beer and bacardi breezer. That's how we roll people.

We will be in Kolkata for about 4 days sweating profusely and soaking up a bit of the Indian city life. We have got ourselves some tickets to an IPL twenty twenty cricket match on Saturday to see the Kolkata Knightriders which should be noisy and before that I fear there will be much mooching around the the botanical gardens and shopping bazaars. After 11 and bit weeks of being told where to sit, what to eat, where to go, where not to go, that we are too hot, that we are getting too much sun (the list is endless) Graham and I will be like teenagers (wishful thinking) on our first trip into town without the rentals. Who knows we may come back half drunk with our noses pierced and matching 'India Rocks' tattoos on our biceps.

India is our oyster for the next 7 weeks and hopefully we will be more active on the website during our travels (internet permitting). For now, here's a bit of a round up since our last post. Work on the project has improved and whilst progress has been slow

of enthusiasm for adding a 'hallelujah' to the end of every sentence would have gone down too well with the 1000 strong crowd. Indeed we might have been tempted to say something blasphemous and perhaps drop a JTFC bomb as a finale so laying low seemed like the best option all round.

Yesterday we got a small insight into what it is like to be a parent at Christmas who has worked hard to get the right present for their little darling to be told, in no uncertain terms, they were in fact wrong and need to get another to sort it (multiplied by 120). As we have been regularly badgered by the kids for 'one photo one photo' we thought we would surprise them with a copy of their 'one photo' (well two in fact) before we headed off. Now this may sound simple however it took us 3 days to sort the hundreds upon hundreds of images into individual files for each child before then choosing and refiling the winning poses for printing. Many many hours and rupees later we were happily patting ourselves on the back for a job well done, completely unaware of the chaotic tantrums that lay ahead. So it turns out that we chose the wrong 'one photo' for all

I promised I would be in brighter spirits the next time I posted a news update an indeed if we are to continue to 'taunt you from afar' then me ranting is probably not the best way to go about it (although you know I love a rant). See I have even put up a cheesy picture of us grinning to demonstrate our lighter mood intentions. So all I will say was last week was a shit week (sorry Graham's parents but it was) and both of us were left feeling quite deflated and at points, very angry about how the project is progressing (or not as the case might be). It was not helped by the fact Graham was also struck down once again with a severe case of runny bum although once he was over the worst this was at least the source of some comedy.

unnerving. We were also free to indulge in some good old fashioned British paddling (up to the knees stuff), which may have brought out the stereotype in us. That's right people, for the first time in weeks we got to pick our own dinner and we chose Chinese food and chips! We were ashamed especially when the waitress laughed at us but the humiliation was worth it. Of course it was chips and Chinese food with an Indian twist i.e. rocket hot but oh it was worth it and will tide us over until we get to McDonalds and Pizza Hut in Kolkata (we have no shame anymore). It was also the first time in over two months that we have had alcohol. Unfortunately as a non beer drinking lady my choices it seems are restricted to either cranberry or orange bacardi breezer, but beggars

You may have noticed that we have added another two photo galleries, one of our shenanigans in Vizag with all the hippy 'we're travelling' fannying around you would expect (and expect more in the coming weeks) and one with some of the kids. Clearly both have been edited to within an inch of their lives in order to make us look like better photographers but again I think that's par for the course. We had a great experience of watching the India vs Pakistan semi final cricket match with the kids. All gathered in front of an electrically suspect and definitely illegal projected screen the kids were hilarious. Whenever a boundary or a wicket went in India's favour they were torn between screaming hysterically or politely clapping. In some ways it was reminiscent of the Pimms induced genteel applause heard on the traditional village green. In other ways not so much. The match was long and many of the kids fell by the wayside (falling asleep on the ground) but those still awake at the end went nuts only to be shushed due to the late hour, so it was a slightly louder polite clapping that celebrated India's win.

The heat and humidity is rising daily but it is, so far, still about bearable. We fear that the kids might think us vampires with our pale skin (still!) as whenever we go near direct sunlight they descend into utter panic and try and drag us into the shade. No matter how much we protest their concern is such that the ability to play outside during the day is somewhat limited. As were are both absolutely rubbish at their pebble game (looks easy, actually impossible) we have introduced them to some good old fashioned classic card games snap, old maid and pairs and they have been a hit. The standard daily demands that we are met